Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I puked a lego.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
