Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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