so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
