I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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