birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
