I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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