So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
