He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
