No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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