It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
You are the jesus of drinking
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Randomize
