its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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