Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
