she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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