I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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