I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
