There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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