im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
