have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
