Me too!
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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