i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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