I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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