"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
