perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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