you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
