He is an equal opportunity slut.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
