that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
one might say we're banned from that church
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
