That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
