He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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