So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
