Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
