So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
