K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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