I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
