I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
