i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
