just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
