I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
