You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
