3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
