When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
