thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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