shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I think i peed on brittanys purse
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
