): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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