Im at strip club and am horny
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
i out mim tonsoeep
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