He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I came so hard my ears popped.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
