They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
we're making bets on your personal life
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
