eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I need a burrito and a hug.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
