I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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