dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
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