direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
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