9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
